Get it together, Mitt

Competing with Jeanine Pirro to make the most incompetent campaign announcement appearance ever, Mitt Romney, Governor of Massachusetts, formally declared his candidacy for the presidency in a museum honoring Henry Ford in Dearborn, Michigan.

First mistake. Ford, man. Henry Ford--automotive pioneer, innovative industrialist and... rabid anti-Semite, who, according to the National Jewish Democratic Council, was given the "Grand Service Cross of the Supreme Order of the German Eagle" by Adolf Hitler. Ouch.

More funny, though slightly less embarrassing: this is the photo of his announcement speech that is running on the New York Times webpage--and, presumably, print edition:

The caption: "We are weary of the bickering and bombast, we’re fatigued by the posturing and self-promotion." Uh-huh. Right. Fatigued of posturing...and... self...promotion. (Is that a 747 behind you, Mr. Romney?) Wait. Have I seen this picture before? Oh, I think I'm confusing it with...

Yeah, you guys are real humble. Next time you should take your photo in front of some tanks, or, like, a rocket. This is the humble way to go.

Update: It only gets better. Check out his flip flops--which I posted about earlier--here and here.

"Boyish U.S. Envoy Becomes Heartthrob in China"

I can't imagine that this is part of the Bush administration's nuclear negotiation strategy towards North Korea. But hey, if it works...

I just saw his picture. Am I missing something here?

Things Not to Do in a Movie Theatre

Some good political writing to check out:

(1) This insightful article in The Politico notes that modern candidates are more likely to be “rootless,” lacking a defining regional identity. Unlike old-line candidates like Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy, most candidates today aren’t deeply regional and often have had little to no history in the states that eventually vaunted them into national politics—a la Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson, John McCain, and Mitt Romney.

(2) The Atlantic's Joshua Green profiles three former political consultants that will say goodbye to the Ds and Rs and form their own centrist party—Unity08. The party would be web-based—including an online nominating convention to follow both the Democratic and Republican ones—and, most interestingly, will be a one-time event; instead of trying to establish a permanent third-way, Unity08’s founders envision it as more of a wake-up call for national politics to move to the middle.

(3) Jeffrey Goldberg profiles Joe Lieberman in the New Yorker and reveals that aside from being Dick Cheney’s yes-senator, Lieberman is also a huge weirdo:

Lieberman likes expressions of American power. A few years ago, I was in a movie theatre in Washington when I noticed Lieberman and his wife, Hadassah, a few seats down. The film was “Behind Enemy Lines,” in which Owen Wilson plays a U.S. pilot shot down in Bosnia. Whenever the American military scored an onscreen hit, Lieberman pumped his fist and said, “Yeah!” and “All right!”

WTF?

Mi viaje a Peru, Part One

As promised, here the first part of my rundown, avec media, of my recent time in Peru, the sacred ancestral homeland of the Llama. I was in Peru to visit family and also to work on a potential documentary on Peruvian sheepherders, who travel to the United States on H-2A visas to work--in remote regions and oppressive conditions--for American ranchers. As you will see, my first day of this trip was primarily taken up by the drive to the highlands, a trip to the market in Jauja, and a visit to a spectacular and very peculiar local festival. (I've written more extensively about these experiences here.)

Friday, January 19

5:00pm: The Llama finishes his Criminal Procedure final. Important issues in modern criminal jurisprudence are identified, addressed, and resolved within the confines of a three hour written examination.

5:00pm - 3:48am: Party time.

3:49 - 4:28am: Frantic packing time.

4:30am: Primetime Shuttle to JFK airport.

Saturday, January 20

8:00am - 6:00pm: Flight(s) to Jorge Chavez International Airport in Lima.

7:30pm: Arrive at 175 Pasaje La Morena, Miraflores, Lima, sacred ancestral homeland of my dad.

8:00pm: Consume aji de gallina.

Sunday, January 21 - Tuesday, January 23

Ditto. Also sleep, see family.

Wednesday, January 24

7:00am: The journey to the highlands begins.

7:31am: Refuel chariot.

9:35am: Rest break at El Tronco, finest lodging establishment on Km. 165 of Lima-Huancayo highway.

10:46am: Brief stop at Ticlio, located at 4,818 meters (15,806 feet) above sea level, site of the highest railway station in the world.

10:46am - Way Longer Than Expected: Mild to severe unpleasantness in the head.

11:16am - 11:32am: Drive through old mining town of La Oroya. Note the barren hills--vegetation is entirely absent for miles on account of air and soil pollution and other byproducts of intensive mining operations.

12:15pm: Arrival in Jauja.

12:30-2:30pm: Visit to the market, where they sell:

Frogs

medicine for your ovaries

and cocai... lots and lots of flour.

3:34-5:46pm: Visit tunantada festival. Consists of... oh, just watch the video.

5:47pm: Least Favorite Bathroom Experience 1982-2007.

5:48pm: At a certain point people started dancing sideways.

6:12pm: Return home to nurse head.

6:54pm - Rest of the Night: Rest, prepare for first day of interviewing sheepherders.

To be continued...

Three Cheers for Cyrus

My buddy Cyrus just won a Soros Fellowship. He is well on his way to becoming a public intellectual.

Oh, wait, he is already. Check out these op-eds Cyrus has written on the Military Commissions Act and, most recently (and interestingly) the federal lawsuit to make American currency recognizable to the blind. I had no idea, but over 180 countries already take measures--such as using raised ink or differently-sized bills--allowing the blind to easily distinguish different denominations of their currency.

I am terrified of Vladimir Putin

This piece from last week's New Yorker explains why you, too, should be scared.

The best part: last July, the Russian parliament actually passed a law to allow the assassination of "enemies of the Russian regime" abroad.

As one observer helpfully explained:

"This guy [Putin] is a K.G.B. guy... This guy issues a law allowing the Russians to kill opponents abroad. So they kill opponents abroad."

But you don't have to worry, it is okay. Because when Bush met Putin, he looked into his heart and soul and he just knew that the U.S. and Russia "can work together in a positive way."

The long road home, on TACA

I'm in the airport now, waiting for my first flight home--I'm flying into JFK with a connection in San Salvador, El Salvador.

Overall, I have to say I'm very happy with how this trip has gone. (Again, I promise on various things that are holy to give you a blow-by-blow, with pictures, a video or two, etc., of my trip, but this is a job for a better internet connection.) Some highlights:

1) Drank water everywhere except one community where it would have meant certain death.

2) Have yet to suffer from any food- or water-borne illnesses.

(A hardy llama
Stomach of steel and coca
the runs won't stop me)

3) Have eaten about 4 servings of aji de gallina, and drank about 5 pisco sours.

4) Have not been hit by any vehicles.

5) Have watched Babel. The verdict: way too depressing, and not good enough to merit the depressingness.

I'll leave it at that for now, everything will be more exciting when I put up video of dudes dancing to tubas.

So I'm flying home on TACA, the airline of choice for flying in certain remote regions of Panama and French Guyana. It is the kind of airline whose passengers clap every time the pilots make a successful landing. (I have heard this done in small, single-engine planes in the Amazon, but a 747, in 2007? Uh-uh.) It is also the kind of airline that gives you soda and peanuts while you are in the air, and also offers you an awesome warm cheese sandwich "lunch" option at the passenger-friendly price of $5.

I don't want to rag too much on this culinary option, 'cause if I operated a catering business with five retarded monkeys and a broken microwave, I too would be somewhat sensitive to criticism--but let's just say that this is not the best $5 warm cheese sandwich on soggy bread I have ever had.

Whatever, if they deposit me in JFK, with my luggage, on time, I really won't care... but if this sucker goes down in the high seas (unsuccessful landing, hence no clapping), I want my next of kin to get my $5 back.

Update from San Salvador: I take back what I said about TACA's catering monkeys. They still serve lots of warm cheese, but there is at least one ape in there that knows how to make a mean steak sandwich.

Brain damaged primate
Forager, hunter, maker
of sweet beef sandwich

While you are waiting

I'm planning on doing a photo-and-video post about my trip to the highlands, but haven't had enough time at a computer to do it yet. In the meantime, two pieces of goodness, courtesy of Dan and Spunia:

(1) Remember stop-motion animation? This is stop-motion music.

(2) This is how law professors actually grade your exams.

(3) Since I hate leaving anything at just two, please take another moment to look at the expression on the woman's face below.

Cheers,
The Llama

You may not realize it

...but this is the largest sheep you have ever seen. It is entirely possible that there is a large wolf under there.

Should you doubt what I am telling you, take a good long look at (A) the expression on the woman's face to the left, and (B) how tall said ovine is in relation to the humans around it.

Ah, the wonders of Andean livestock markets.