Facts

1. If I were a renowned law professor, I would not devote a section of my personal webpage for my running times. If I were Dan Kahan, though, apparently I would.

2. When I grow up, I want to wear suits like this.

3. We have spent twice as much money rebuilding Iraq than we did rebuilding Japan in the seven years following WWII. We have spent almost as much as we did rebuilding Germany in the same period.

4. We have been in Iraq for three and a half years.

5. This is what my good friends Rufus and Gabe did in their spare time.

6. Coincidentally, Gabe also published the cover story in Science a couple of months ago.

7. I hefted an AK-47 in the evidence room down at the State’s Attorney’s office today.

8. Nope, not kidding. It had a bayonet on it.

9. “It is estimated that Americans now spend somewhere around $10 billion a year on adult entertainment, which is as much as they spend attending professional sporting events, buying music or going out to the movies.”

10. This is a really good poem about a cat.

Creepy Photo of the Day

You fooled no one, Bill. Everyone knows that this morning you left Hillary at home and instead kidnapped Laura Bush, who may make a convincing Hillary but for that indelible nobody's-home/Baby-Ruuuth/"I like kittens!" face that she's got going on.

Nice try, though. At least she looks happy.

Llama still alive, chewing more grass

Hey folks,

Just want to let you know I haven't forgotten about the blog--just have been a bit more busy than usual! In general, I think that from now on I'll try to post every two or three days as opposed to every day. Less quantity, more super quality.

That said, tomorrow I'll be spending eight hours monitoring polls in deepest darkest Connecticut. I imagine I should have some stories to tell after that.

Go in peace,
The Llama

A Job I Hope I Never Have

Google is worried that as people start using the term "Google" as a generic verb--i.e. "I googled the guy to see what he had written"--Google will lose its claim on the Google trademark. (There are plenty of wrinkles, but common usage makes a trademark claim much harder to sustain.)

So... Google writes this entry on its "Official Google Blog" to try to discourage people from using the term "Google" so loosely. It was clearly written by some lawyer pretending to be a Google staffer who's funny! and exciting! but really concerned about this important trademark issue. I really hope I never have to do anything like this.

Why I Love Tom Waits

Friends have asked me about the “Music” section of my Facebook profile. In a list including the Arcade Fire, Sufjan Stevens, and some Latin American artists, one guy stands out—Tom Waits. Of all the folks on my list, he’s the one I know the least about: my knowledge of his music is mostly confined to The Mule Variations, with a couple of songs from Small Change, Rain Dogs, and a few other of his later albums. Here are a few reasons why this has been enough to convince me that the guy is a genius. (Click here to sample most of the songs referenced below.)

The first thing you’ll notice about Waits is his voice. I would say it is a cross between Louis Armstrong and Bob Dylan. Honestly, it sounds like the man gargles every morning with fresh gravel and motor oil.

But the guy is much more than a novelty voice. Waits has a remarkable ability to completely communicate a feeling: physical and emotional exhaustion in Pony, falling in love in Picture in a Frame, and being homesick, heartbroken, and probably drunk, in Tom Traubert’s Blues. And while many artists are good at doing this—someone like Nina Simone comes to mind—what makes Waits special is the manner in which he does it.

Check out his characters, for one. Waits' language is slow and spare, but when his banjo/guitar/out-of-tune-piano kicks in, two or three words conjure up an entire life.

Look at these lines from Pony, a song about a man’s travels around the country, and his deep desire to return home:

I run my race with burnt face Jake
Gave him a Manzanita cross
I lived on nothin’
But dreams and train smoke
Somehow my watch and chain
got lost.

I wish I was home
in Evelyn's Kitchen
With old Gyp curled around my feet

Don’t you kind of want Gyp curled around your feet? (And don’t you want to stay the hell away from “burnt face Jake”?) Better yet, though, some of Waits’ characters are just obscenely—and very entertainingly—out of their minds. Like in Chocolate Jesus. I kid you not, the song is about a man who, instead of going to church on Sundays goes to “Zerelda Lee’s candy store” and, well, eats himself a little candy Jesus. As Waits helpfully explains, “[w]hen the weather gets rough / and it’s whiskey in the shade / it’s best to wrap your savior up in cellophane.”

The best part thing about Waits, though, is his lyrics. By and large, Waits’ songs are not in your traditional first-person, this-happened, that-happened, now I’m happy/sad/nostalgic/in love/really frickin’ pissed off. Instead, while each song has some sort of narrative to it, it is also a mash-up of random sayings, touching—yet entirely out of place—moments, and ambient noise.

While you really have to listen to it, check out this verse from Hold On:

Well, he gave her a dimestore watch
And a ring made from a spoon
Everyone is looking for someone to blame
But you share my bed, you share my name
Well, go ahead and call the cops
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops
She said baby, I still love you
Sometimes there's nothin’ left to do

Oh you got to hold on,
hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here,
you got to just hold on.

“Well go ahead and call the cops / you don’t meet nice girls in coffee shops”? It makes no sense. But once you listen to the song you’re like “Yeah, go ahead and call the cops.” And its not cause you gained some context from the other verses. The whole thing just fits.

Other people have noticed, too. Do you like Downtown Train by Rod Stewart? Or Bruce Springsteen's Jersey Girl? Both covers of Waits originals. (And in my opinion, Waits’ Downtown Train makes Rod Stewart look like… Rod Stewart.)

Finally, though, since I’m realizing that none of this will really mean anything until you actually listen to Tom Waits, let me say I also get the impression that he is a huge badass.

That’s enough for now. Go listen to the guy.

Disclaimer: As I mentioned earlier, this post is based on a fairly narrow range of Tom Waits’ songs. For all I know, there’s probably ten albums in which he sings Kumbaya in contratenor to a tambourine and string quartet. But what I’ve heard, I either like, or just do not understand, so I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

Are Ivy Leaguers Prude?

This Harvard student certainly isn't. But her classmates are prude enough to notice.